Most Overrated Shagging Acts



Shagging is great, there’s no denying that. The arousal, the plateau, the climax — all great stuff. There’s the sweatiness, too, and what your hair looks like afterward.
But despite all the wet and wonderful things in the wild and wacky world of shagging, if we hold up for a moment and take a genuine, clear-eyed stare at it from a reasonable distance, it’s hard not to recognize that some consensual shagging acts are, well, frankly overrated.
Yes, there are lots of shagging acts that have been skating by on the strength of “hot by association” for too long. These actions have somehow convinced people they’re s3xy and fun, when really they’re boring, overly complicated, or just unrealistic and plain stupid.
To bring those down a peg, here are the nine shagging acts we’ve deemed the most overrated (and why we believe that).

1. Reverse Cowgirl

The genius porn director who first concocted the Reverse Cowgirl position was either a maniac, a demon or both.
Minus the presence of one or more cameras pointed at a couple, this is probably the least exciting, least logical shagging position there is. How come, you ask? Well, a hypothetical third-person viewer can see the top partner totally naked and doesn’t have to look at the bottom partner at all. And yes, that’s totally great in straight porn for dudes who are concerned at seeing a man’s face while still erect, but you could replace the guy in a reverse cowgirl with a floor-mounted dildo and it would be more or less the same experience.

2. Piledriver

Another porn-popularized shagging position that’s dumber than the Reverse Cowgirl is the Piledriver. Who in the universe wants to be upside down while getting f*cked? The mind boggles.
And besides the giant crick in the neck the receiver is going to get, the giver is going to have cramping thighs and calves in no time. Why not just invent a shagging position where one of the participants is doing a wall sit, calling it “The Brutalizer” or something? Even s3xier.

3. Missionary

On the other end of the spectrum, there’s boring old Missionary. There are lots of fun variants of missionary, but if you’re just doing basic missionary by itself, you’re either in the process of losing your virginity, or you are literally a diagram of what shagging looks like in a pretty chaste medical textbook.
Missionary is wildly boring, and the fact that couples continue to use it past the first time is indicative of a wide-scale failure of s3xual imagination on the part of the world’s population.

4. 69ing

What’s fun about 69ing? It’s almost impossible to cum while simultaneously having enough self-possession to actively pleasure someone else.
If one of the people involved in a 69 orgasms, it’s almost certainly because they’ve stopped contributing and have just casually slipped into the role of pleasure-receiver — at which point it’s not a 69, it’s just upside-down oral mixed with lies.
69ing is a great way to keep shagging going for a bit longer when neither person wants to do anything hyper-energetic (or if neither person wants to cum but both people want to experience some pleasure), but let’s be real: That’s probably a pretty rare use case for most people.

5. Tantric Shagging

F*ck off, Sting. Some of us have to work day jobs.

6. Any Kind of Water Shagging

It’s totally fine if you’re into making love in the water, but can we acknowledge for a second that water shagging is almost always harder to pull off than shagging should reasonably be?
Whether it’s shower shagging, bathtub shagging, hot tub shagging, swimming pool shagging, ocean or lake shagging (hopefully no one’s engaging in river or swamp shagging), water shagging is full of opportunities to slip on something, get water in your mouth and eyes, drown, or get bitten by something (and not in the good way).
And that’s not even getting into the fact that water is an anti-lubricant, meaning all that wetness is going to make penetration harder, not easier. Yeesh.

7. Shagging on the Beach

You might think a good solution to the unpleasantness of water-based shagging is to make love on the beach. It’s such a cool concept there’s even a famous cocktail named after it!
You’ve got the water nearby, you’ve got the open air, you’ve got … an infinite amount of sand getting into every nook and cranny of both of your private parts. You know what, on second thought, no beach shagging. No beach shagging, ever.

8. Facials

How would you like it if shagging always ended with someone squeezing a jet of warm, salty paste at your face? It’s like a fun game of shagging Russian Roulette that might require an eye-wash station and/or a quick shower to get it out of your hair. Be a gentleman and cum somewhere else.

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