Here's How to Ask Your Partner for More Adventurous Shagging


Hey Emily!
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months and he is so hot and has the greatest penis I've ever seen, seriously! But our shagging life is meh. He's not very adventurous or spontaneous and when we make love, it doesn't last long. He's not very good at going down on me and I've tried to guide him but it's not really working. I've made suggestions but nothing really takes.
One time, he even asked if I wore thongs, and I was like, "Hello?! How many times have you taken my clothes off or seen me get dressed and you don't know what underwear I wear?!"
How can I get him to have adventurous shagging (i.e. outside of the bedroom, etc.) and not just think of shagging as a chore?
—Amanda, 24
Dear Amanda,
Listen, it seems to me that the real issue here is that you’re bored. You want passion and intimacy and spontaneity, but instead it sounds like your boyfriend is in and out, and off to sleep.
There’s a very good possibility he just doesn’t have that much experience, which would explain his lackluster skills at going down on you. And as far as verbal feedback goes, talking about shagging can be tricky—so much gets lost in translation.
When I was your age, I thought men could take one look at my vagina and immediately know what to do to send me off to Orgasm City. News flash: They can't. Women don’t come with instruction manuals, and lady parts are about as similar as snowflakes.
The same thing goes with the adventurous side of things: Until you tell him what you want in the bedroom (or out of it), he has no reason to change what he’s doing. And being “adventurous” can mean so many different things to different people.
Take the time to talk about what you both want when it comes to having amazing, adventurous shagging. A great place to start is for each of you to make a bucket list with three things you both want to try and then compare what you’ve written. Choose one that gets both of your engines revved and make it happen!
The bottom line is this: Guys aren’t mind-readers. There’s a really good chance he’s going to be excited to try new stuff, but you also have to remember things won’t magically change overnight. If you really want to spice up your shagging life, it’s going to take effort on both sides and a little bit of patience.
You should be having some great shagging right now, so don’t settle for anything less than just that.
xx, Emily

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

20 Things to Know About S3xual Compatibility

Image
S3xual compatibility is as hard to explain as intimacy, Burning Man, or the internet. And yet, most of us use s3xual compatibility as a guiding force in gauging how “right” a relationship (or potential relationship) is — regarding s3xual incompatibility as the ultimate deal breaker. Below, three experts explain what this make-it or break-it factor really means, and share best practices for determining whether it exists, can be worked on, or is a lost cause. How is it defined? There’s no  official  definition of s3xual compatibility. “This simply isn’t something that would be listed in the DSM or dictionary,” Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones, PsyD, a clinical psychologist with a specialty in s3x therapy, says. But  Psychology Today  offers this definition: “It’s the extent to which a couple perceives they share s3xual beliefs, preferences, desires, and needs with their partner. Another form of s3xual compatibility is the extent to which similarities exi...
Read more

Why Every Guy Should Master Non-Penetrative Shagging

Image
One Little Mental Shift That Can Change Your Shagging Life for the Better To many straight men, shagging is penis-in-vagina penetration. Granted, some allow for the existence of anal, while oral counts to some as shagging just as much, but rarely do we ever acknowledge what shagging truly is: fluid. No, not the exchange of fluids, but rather the idea that there’s more to shagging than P-in-V penetration, and what that means can be different for any given person, couple or polyamorous arrangement. There’s a wealth of shagging that can occur without your penis penetrating a vagina or an anus, and guys do themselves a disservice by ignoring that. Not only is a laser-like focus on penetrative shagging narrow-minded and exclusionary (for instance, classic penetrative shagging isn’t feasible for all people), it can also lead to bad shagging when you actually do get to penetration. People who need more warm-up time to be in the right mood, as well as those who struggle to orgas...
Read more