How to Give a Lap Dance Without Feeling Ridiculous
You're about to meet your new super-confident alter ego.
We're guessing the thought of putting on a sensual lap dance a la Nicki Minaj in the "Anaconda" video (seriously, Drake got the show of his life) either makes you cringe or totally piques your interest. But even if it seems like something only exotic dancers—or Nicki—could possibly pull off, that's just not true. Sure, she knows a thing or two about making this chair dance seem out-of-this-world s3xy, but that doesn't mean you can't learn it, too!
We spoke to Ilov Grate, a pole dancing instructor at S Factor New York (who also happens to teach their lap dance class!), and Kimberly Smith, instructor and owner of StripXpertease, for some helpful tips on how to put on a performance for your partner—without feeling like a complete fool.
Take the Pressure Off
Grate says lap dancing is not about what you do; it’s how you do it. She suggests not overthinking things and going with what feels right to you. “If it is allowing you to feel good, then your dance is going to look good,” she says. It's totally normal to feel a little nervous, so try boosting your bedroom confidenceby dressing up and channeling a sensual character (whether your s3xual spirit animal is Nicki, Beyoncé, or Katy Perry). Smith also says having a glass of wine is a good way to ease your nerves—but keep it to a half a glass (a drunk lap dance is not cute). If you're the super-nervous type, Smith recommends practicing your routine solo first so you'll have a better idea of what works and what feels totally unnatural.
Grate says lap dancing is not about what you do; it’s how you do it. She suggests not overthinking things and going with what feels right to you. “If it is allowing you to feel good, then your dance is going to look good,” she says. It's totally normal to feel a little nervous, so try boosting your bedroom confidenceby dressing up and channeling a sensual character (whether your s3xual spirit animal is Nicki, Beyoncé, or Katy Perry). Smith also says having a glass of wine is a good way to ease your nerves—but keep it to a half a glass (a drunk lap dance is not cute). If you're the super-nervous type, Smith recommends practicing your routine solo first so you'll have a better idea of what works and what feels totally unnatural.
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe
Breathing is key to not only calm your nerves, but also to keep your body moving smoothly. “The minute you begin to hold your breath, your body will start to lock up," says Grate. "Staying connected to your breathing allows you to move more fluidly." She recommends starting with a simple breathing exercise where she closes her eyes and takes three slow inhales and three big exhales before the dance. To calm her nerves, she rests her hand on her belly to feel the rise and fall of her breathing and get connected to her body. Then, she's ready to go.
Breathing is key to not only calm your nerves, but also to keep your body moving smoothly. “The minute you begin to hold your breath, your body will start to lock up," says Grate. "Staying connected to your breathing allows you to move more fluidly." She recommends starting with a simple breathing exercise where she closes her eyes and takes three slow inhales and three big exhales before the dance. To calm her nerves, she rests her hand on her belly to feel the rise and fall of her breathing and get connected to her body. Then, she's ready to go.
Choose the Right Setting
Light your bedroom with candles or red light bulbs. A 2008 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the color red boosts s3xual attraction, and just knowing that it has this effect on your partner can make you feel even hotter. And don’t forget, the song you dance to should be one that turns you on and makes you feel s3xy. Grate recommends music that she calls “slow, sick, and s3xy,” as in the type that has a slow tempo, sensual vibe, and turns you on—not what you normally dance to in the club. If you don’t know where to begin, Grate says she hasn’t met one woman who doesn’t feel connected to Janet Jackson’s “Would You Mind," though we think Beyoncé's "Partition" would work pretty well, too.
Light your bedroom with candles or red light bulbs. A 2008 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the color red boosts s3xual attraction, and just knowing that it has this effect on your partner can make you feel even hotter. And don’t forget, the song you dance to should be one that turns you on and makes you feel s3xy. Grate recommends music that she calls “slow, sick, and s3xy,” as in the type that has a slow tempo, sensual vibe, and turns you on—not what you normally dance to in the club. If you don’t know where to begin, Grate says she hasn’t met one woman who doesn’t feel connected to Janet Jackson’s “Would You Mind," though we think Beyoncé's "Partition" would work pretty well, too.
Wear the Right Clothes
“The last thing you want to do is be in clothing that restricts your movement,” Grate warns. So stick with something s3xy but flowy. And if this is going to turn into a striptease (hey, why not?), Grate says choose something that will be easy (and s3xy) to slowly take off, like a button-up shirt or a stretchy, v-neck tee. Smith adds that you should avoid wearing jewelry that can get caught onto your shirt (like long earrings) or dangly necklaces—which can end up smacking him in the face. One accessory that's definitely allowed: heels. As long as you can walk comfortably in them, they'll perk up your behind and make you feel even more confident.
“The last thing you want to do is be in clothing that restricts your movement,” Grate warns. So stick with something s3xy but flowy. And if this is going to turn into a striptease (hey, why not?), Grate says choose something that will be easy (and s3xy) to slowly take off, like a button-up shirt or a stretchy, v-neck tee. Smith adds that you should avoid wearing jewelry that can get caught onto your shirt (like long earrings) or dangly necklaces—which can end up smacking him in the face. One accessory that's definitely allowed: heels. As long as you can walk comfortably in them, they'll perk up your behind and make you feel even more confident.
Master the Basics
To get started, Grate suggests this simple, go-to move: Have your guy sit in an armed chair, and approach the chair by either walking or crawling to it. Separate his legs, and place his hands on his thighs. Then, mount the chair by placing one knee between his legs and the other knee on the arm of the chair, grabbing the back of the chair or his shoulders for support. Then starting with your butt, reach back, moving your torso over and up to one side of him, and then to the other side, repeating this circular motion as many times as you like. If you want to make things even hotter, tie his hands loosely to the arms of the chair. You want him to be free enough to be tempted to touch you.
To get started, Grate suggests this simple, go-to move: Have your guy sit in an armed chair, and approach the chair by either walking or crawling to it. Separate his legs, and place his hands on his thighs. Then, mount the chair by placing one knee between his legs and the other knee on the arm of the chair, grabbing the back of the chair or his shoulders for support. Then starting with your butt, reach back, moving your torso over and up to one side of him, and then to the other side, repeating this circular motion as many times as you like. If you want to make things even hotter, tie his hands loosely to the arms of the chair. You want him to be free enough to be tempted to touch you.
Try Something More Advanced
If you’ve done this before or feel super-confident about your moves, then take it a step further. Smith suggest spicing it up by kissing his earlobe, grabbing your boobs, or taking an ice cube and melting it down your chest. Another move you can try is leading with your butt (seriously). Have him stay seated low on the armchair with his knees spread out in a v-shape while you turn around and slowly back up into him. Once you've reached him and the backs of your calves are touching the front of his, sway down while holding onto his knees or the arms of the chair until you land on his lap. From that spot, just get creative. Imagine you're drawing a few circles from his chest to his crotch...with your butt, says Smith.
If you’ve done this before or feel super-confident about your moves, then take it a step further. Smith suggest spicing it up by kissing his earlobe, grabbing your boobs, or taking an ice cube and melting it down your chest. Another move you can try is leading with your butt (seriously). Have him stay seated low on the armchair with his knees spread out in a v-shape while you turn around and slowly back up into him. Once you've reached him and the backs of your calves are touching the front of his, sway down while holding onto his knees or the arms of the chair until you land on his lap. From that spot, just get creative. Imagine you're drawing a few circles from his chest to his crotch...with your butt, says Smith.
Go Slow
Drawing out the movements is also key, so focus on slowing everything down. “When you take your time, you allow yourself to feel the movement before you even begin doing them," she says. "And there is less opportunity for mistakes and fumbles!" She recommends using your breath as a gauge. “If you’re moving your hips from side to side, use a slow, deep inhale to push to one side and then a slow, steady exhale to push to the other side.” Smith agrees and says, “When you think you’re going slow, go slower because when you have nerves, that adds to the speed of the dance.”
Drawing out the movements is also key, so focus on slowing everything down. “When you take your time, you allow yourself to feel the movement before you even begin doing them," she says. "And there is less opportunity for mistakes and fumbles!" She recommends using your breath as a gauge. “If you’re moving your hips from side to side, use a slow, deep inhale to push to one side and then a slow, steady exhale to push to the other side.” Smith agrees and says, “When you think you’re going slow, go slower because when you have nerves, that adds to the speed of the dance.”
Enjoy Yourself
A lap dance not only proves you’re brave enough to do this, but it creates more intimacy between you and your partner, says Grate. Plus, it's bound to add some fire to your typical shagging life—after all, did you just see yourself?! After your performance has wrapped, don't be afraid to ask your partner to return the favor. Hey, we never said this was a solo show!
A lap dance not only proves you’re brave enough to do this, but it creates more intimacy between you and your partner, says Grate. Plus, it's bound to add some fire to your typical shagging life—after all, did you just see yourself?! After your performance has wrapped, don't be afraid to ask your partner to return the favor. Hey, we never said this was a solo show!
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